Christian Girl

I laid eyes on her one day as I was walking down my block
I followed her to Cocoa Village and down to the river dock
I worked up the nerve to speak to her yet gave her quite a shock
My shirt said "Jehovahkill"

We finally got to talking and she said she was a Christian
I mumbled "Hell, that's okay!", unaware of the contradiction
I talked real nice and I took her home, made her dinner
In my kitchen

I cooked it up and took it out to show her what I'd made
But all she really cared about was if my soul was saved
She just kept saying "Hey man, this is the day the Lord has made!
C'mon, let's pray now!" (have a moment of silence)

I bowed my head while peeking out and I mumbled all the words
I'd never prayed over steak before nor much less ever heard
The rambling Jesus-Mary stuff and something about a bird
Or a ghost with holes, or something like that

   Christian Girl, Christian Girl
   Christian Girl, hey my Christian Girl
   Christian Girl, Christian Girl
   Christian Girl, c'mon let's go for a whirl

I have to say that she looked real hot in her tight blue cotton blouse
Her cheeks all flushed, her hair pulled back, shit man I was aroused
After dinner I took her for the grand tour of my house
She said "Don't even THINK about the bedroom, boy!"

Of course we didn't do much that night but watch some bad TV
She left way far too early carrying on about some seed
"If you plant it, and you let it grow, and you keep out all the weeds..."
I said "Pleeeeaaassssee!"

   Christian Girl, Christian Girl
   Christian Girl, I bet she was a Baptist girl
   Christian Girl, surely not a Catholic girl
   'Cause we know all about them Catholic girls

The next weekend on Sunday she invited me to her church
I said I wasn't looking for anything and I didn't need to search
She scowled and said without God's love I'd be in a major lurch
Or even worse

I finally had to give up that girl, she was the prudest
I skipped on out to the beach one day, thought I'd find myself a nudist
To my surprise I found one there, but man she was the rudest
She was Buddist (yes she was)

    Buddist Girl, Hindu Girl
    Jewish Girl, Muslim Girl
    Mormon Girl, Taoist Girl
    Greek Orthodox Girl, Jehovah Witness Girl

    (or how about...)
    Scientologist Girl, Branch Davidian Girl
    Mooney Girl, Hare Krishna Girl
    Jonestown Girl, Heaven's Gate Girl
    Pagan Girl, or just an Atheist Girl
©Mike Runion, 1999